Birthday Blues

Most of the people I know got anxieties before their birthdays due to preparation for their big day. Just like a wedding day, they would check on the food, the venue, the invitation and the like. Or got their birthday blues when expectation vs reality does not coincide at all.

I don’t expect too much as I don’t want to let myself ruin the surprises life may gave me. Just like last two years ago. It was my birthday and me and my husband are still on our bed. My family was outside giving me a mañanita and bringing candles, bread and butter, coffee and cakes. That was the gesture I most appreciate from my family. As they woke up so early and travel miles just to do that to me. To surprise me. Last year, I already told my family that I will celebrate it with them earlier than my birthday so we cook food and celebrate it with them.

But this year, birthday blues came in so early. I know I will plan to have dinner with them and just invite them. I know I have a few dollar left but then I said that would be fine because what counts is that we shared happiness and thanksgiving together. But my finances just came tumbling down and anxiety towards my husband adds to it. I know I should not expect anything but I am not really sure what this palpitating in my heart mean. I think it is what you call stress. Why am I stressed? I know I should trust God for His surprises but what is this stress all about. Where it is coming? Where is my faith? Where does my going to church and hearing homilies go? Where does my listening to inspirational words from inspirational speakers and positive mantra go? Birthday blues….when will it end?

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