Things I Did Just to Have You

This article is I guess wont be that ordinary article I already did. As this is my way of telling my future child, what I have done just to have him/her (whatever God would give us).

I made this article just to encourage me to pursue my dream of having my child, of having you and this would only stop, if God would finally give us that little bundle of joy we are all dreaming and praying for.

Prayers…Honestly, I recalled how I land my first job in a multinational company and mind you, most of the employees they hired usually have experiences from other company. But me, I was blessed because if not for the manager that I met from one of my tutorials, I wont be blessed to get hired. And it happened after I joined my the Catholic Community for Singles. And so, I just thought, if only I can invite your dad to join…and yes, he did and we got dedicated last Dec. 2015.

I went to several doctors but then money constraints hinder me to proceed. I got no PhilHealth and your dad just recently renewed his. The doctor wanted to see what made my uterus and check if this was caused by PCOS ( Polysystic Ovarian Syndrome) or something else, but we need 70,000 pesos just for the check up. I am not sure why that much.

So I tried MX3, a xanthone rich food supplement as I read somewhere in the net that a real testimony that MX3 heals her wife from cancerous thing in her ovary.

I suspect that this might be because of PCOS as signs like having high level of sugar and belly fats are evident.

I just try to control and have a less caloric diet like eating Oats instead of the usual rice. You just can’t realize how its hard for me thinking, I love to eat and seeing your dad eat make it more hard for me to resist unhealthy food.

Instead of eating the usual white bread, I changed now for the whole wheat bread or eating sweet potato instead of the usual meal I had.

Also, I tried dancing every afternoon for about 30 mins every day. I just need to alarm my phone to not miss a session.

As of now I have not seen any changes yet. But I know change wont come overnight. Just hoping for the best for the next two months =).

But then, after that long vacation and fiestas in May, I lost track of the things I should be doing. I stopped for a moment and hoping to continue. Now, with a new advice from a herbalist which is a friend of your father. He told me to drink moringa juice (locally known as malunggay) every morning before breakfast and in the evening, with an empty stomach. Aside from that, he told me to drink fresh juices of carrots and sayote for morning and afternoon snacks. They shouldn’t be mixed. These will flush out all the toxins in my uterus that hinders me to conceive. He told me that this was due to how I abuse my body in my younger years like taking a bath when I had my period. Really? I’m not sure if it has scientific basis for that since all I know old people usually warn younger women not to take a bath during periods. Oh my, I just can’t imagine how stink the smell would be. But well, for now I don’t intend to question him for this because I have this desire to get pregnant. Well, for now, we’ll never know unless we try, so I might as well give it a try.

I even tried Buah Merah ( look up it in google for its many benefits) which I drank 1 bottle a day for 5 days. Thanks for the free donation from my closest sister. But then I suddenly decided to try another doctor and said to undergo dilation and curettage to see what makes my endometrium lining thick. I just hope that this would be the answer to our prayers.

And just last Tuesday ( August 9), I undergo D&C and my doctor says she saw a mass in my uterus which she already burned with laser. That is why everytime it gets irritated, I bleed. I really hope this would end up my waiting to finally have you. She said, we will just wait for the results from the examination they are going to do with the thick linings they got from the operation. From there, they would know what treatment should I be undergoing to. But according to a friend who have undergone D&C, she immediately got pregnant months after the operation cos it cleaned her uterus that it made sperms cells easy to travel. I really hope it will happen to me, too. God willing.

My Kind of Valentines….

My husband woke up earlier than me and joked that he is going to work…and then he smiled, “oh, it’s a Sunday!”.. I am not sure if he was serious as I have known him to be joking and making sure I laughed all the time. I also know that when I cried, he cannot understand his self and don’t know how to handle situation and just walk away so as not to hear me sobbing… that’s just him…and love him for that. Days back, I know that Valentines day is the best time to celebrate love..to show love…to do extra ways of showing love than just ordinary days..It’s a celebration and acknowledgement that you are loved and you love…I was

I remember times when I was still single and celebrating SAD (Single Awareness Drive) during valentines day, I look up and can’t help but jealous of people celebrating V-day with their special someone, bringing flowers and chocolates…but now, I am everyday celebrating Valentines day with my husband..and maybe, that’s the positive side of being childless (for now) since I felt we are still in our honeymoon stage. So if you are asking me how is my V-day? My husband is not like other people who are showing love by giving flowers or chocolates..but he showed it by serving you and making you feel you are a princess ( when he is not tired..LOL..) but I’d rather prefer that way more than anything else, right?

So what can I do to make this Valentines day extra special? My husband and I agreed to make this day extra special to my family especially to my mother…By visiting them home and bring food we can share this special day. This may not be new to us but this is the best way we can think of. I know living away from them is something hard for my mother where I can’t visit her often. Going to church thereafter and maybe have our dinner at any fastfood chain I have not gone to like 7- Eleven…For now, I will forget my calorie count and enjoy food with the special people around me…that for me is the best way to celebrate Valentines…and then visit the adoration chapel and show Jesus my Love for Him. As He is the root of all these Love we are all celebrating.

I believe right now, my heart has been healthy celebrating love. But I also know, that that happiness is not complete. Aside for wooing God for Him to give us a little bundle of joy that we can celebrate love with, one sister of mine is not celebrating right now as she knows, the mistress of her husband was celebrating it with his husband instead of celebrating it with them. Every Sunday, local radio music plays old songs and jukebox. Unfortunately, jukebox songs contains messages of heartbrokenness and infidelity. I can’t help to think about my sister and to all women in the world who were betrayed by their husband or special someone. The feeling of betrayal, something which I fear and have already felt before I met my husband. Infidelity of guys is such a BIG No-No for me. A non-negotiable thing for me. Maybe, the biggest reason why I fell in love with my husband. Though he maybe a way older than me, but his experience of not so much into women but rather enjoys more being with his friends playing basketball or other guy stuff. He is not that sweet kind of person like buying flowers or chocolates because he is not used to. Mind you, people who are so sweet with their loved ones like bringing the usual guy thing to do are the ones prone to infidelity. Because these are the guys which other women fantasizes they could have especially if they are a good provider to their family. Of course, these are not the main reasons why infidel men end up having mistresses. Psychological factors like tracing up to their family background can be one of the factors. That is why to all the guys out there, think about it. Give your children a favor they would thank you for even if you are already gone. What legacy would you like to give to your children? Adultery can be solved in marriage but infidelity can forever scar the minds of your children.